singlemates.net
Years ago a woman cheating on her spouse was unheard of but in modern times the number of women who cheat on their spouse is growing exponentially. The differences in men and women cheating is that men often cheat for physical reasons while women often have emotional reasons for cheating on their partner. The reasons why women cheat include loneliness, revenge, boredom and self esteem. These factors may be inexcusable but they do exist in the minds of a cheating woman. More and more women are becoming guilty of cheating on their partners and it is often emotional reasons rather than lust that drive them to these affairs.
Loneliness is one of the primary reasons that women seek out affairs and cheat on their partner. Although it sounds contradictory that they should feel lonely because the women are currently in a relationship, it is often a relationship that is not emotionally fulfilling. Women involved in these unsatisfactory relationships may feel as lonely if not more so than women who are not in a relationship. If a woman is not receiving the attention she feels she deserves in a relationship, she may be tempted to seek that attention elsewhere and become involved in an affair. A partner who becomes overly involved with his work or a hobby may not make time to spend with his partner and this often results in the women feeling as if they are all alone. This feeling of loneliness can drive a woman to cheat on her partner. One of the most prevalent reasons why women cheat is that they feel as though their current partner is not lavishing much attention on them and they feel lonely even in his presence.
Revenge has also become and increasing factor in why women cheat. The modern woman is no longer willing to sit back and accept the fact that their partner may cheat on them. If a woman confirms or even just holds a suspicion that their partner is cheating on them, they may be driven to engage in an affair of their own as an act of revenge. The theory of, “An eye for an eye,” has unfortunately trickled down into the realm of romantic relationships and many women see a cheating partner as a justification to have an affair of their own. They believe that they are justified in having an affair if they catch their partner cheating on them. Furthermore they may be extremely hurt by their partner’s actions and seek a way to hurt them in the same way. While it is not a justifiable reason, many women see revenge as an appropriate reason for cheating on their spouse.
Boredom may also factor into why women cheat. Their current relationship may have fallen into a rut and lost the excitement that it possessed in the early stages of its existence. They may feel that their relationship has become dull and predictable and rather than trying to bring excitement into their current relationship they may pursue affairs in the hopes of achieving the excitement they felt when they first became involved with their partner. While an affair may bring about a temporary solution of making the woman feel excited about love again it may ultimately destroy both their current relationship as well as their cheating relationship. An affair is exciting not only because it involves a relationship with a new person but also because it involves sneaking around and ultimately getting away with doing something wrong. To many women this is very exciting and they are willing to risk losing their relationship over their affair. Many women cheat because they are bored with the monotony of their current relationship and they seek to bring excitement back into their life through engaging in an affair.
Another reason why women cheat is a lack of self esteem. Women may feel that they are not getting an adequate amount of admiration from their partner and they may be tempted to cheat to affirm that they are still attractive and desirable. When a relationship meets a stagnant point where the partners are no longer making a conscious effort to reassure each other that they are still desirable, many women begin to feel insecure. This insecurity leads women to seek affirmation of their desirability outside of the relationship in the form of an affair. Being found desirable by another compensates for the lack of longing they feel from their partner and helps to boost their self esteem. While women with a healthy self esteem are more apt to remain happy in a relationship, those that lack self esteem are often driven to cheat on their partners.
Men are not the only ones who cheat on their partners. It is becoming more and more common for women to be guilty of cheating. While women are beginning to cheat as often as men the reasons why women cheat are much different than the reasons why men cheat. The reasons for women cheating are tied tightly to emotional reasons such as loneliness, revenge and boredom.
Andrea Syrtash: Modern technology is connecting people like never before, including people looking to cheat, perhaps with you. But how do you spot a cheater if you met online? I will offer a few clues. I am Andrea Syrtash, and this is On Dating.
Is it easier to cheat on someone online?
Man on Street: I don’t think it is easier to cheat on somebody online, I don’t think so.
Woman on Street: It’s much easier to cheat on someone online, much easier.
Woman on Street: If they can find someone to date online, then they can date someone else.
Woman on Street: It is easy to lie I would say or to deceive online.
Man on Street: It’s pretty easy to hide something.
Man on Street: I would imagine cheating on someone online would be easier than it would be in relationships, your own personal relationships.
Woman on Street: I think if you’re going to cheat on someone, you will cheat on them no matter what the situation.
Andrea Syrtash: Have you ever heard of the website Ashlemadison.com? There tagline is where monogamy becomes monotony. This place is for people looking for an affair. The site boasts 1.2 million member signups, just over a million people online looking to cheat. As dubious as it sounds, in a way it is a more straight forward than the majority of people who meet and cheat online. Most of these people cheat under the radar, and most online daters are in an awkward position of playing a guessing game.
One third of online daters are in a relationship when they join an online dating site. Believe it or not, some men and women in relationships do not think that flirtatious email exchange, with someone new, who they have just met online, is on the verge of cheating. Yeah they are wrong. Picking up online is the same as going to a local bar and picking up. No excuses.
So why is this so common? Well it is easy to be anonymous with people we meet on the internet. The chances of getting caught by your spouse or partner may be slim. I always tell people to have a healthy dose of skepticism in dating. And online dating is no exception. So how do you spot an E-cheater?
Well the short answer is you can’t. Then why am I doing this segment? Well I can offer a few clues to help you figure it out.
1. Notice your date’s schedule.
This is the first step in spotting an E-cheater. Notice are you communicating at very odd hours early in the morning, very early at night. Do you ever speak during peak times? Like between seven and ten on a weeknight.
What about the weekends?
2. Do you speak on the phone and see each other, or leave everything to emails and text?
While it’s true that some people hate the phone, make sure to have at least a few phone conversations. And see each other at these peak times. You should never date someone who you only communicated with through typed words. That is no basis for a relationship.
3. After a few months of dating, have you met your dates friends, family or co-workers?
Have you seen your date in her world? Of course you are not going to meet her network right away. But after a number of months of dating it is a valid concern if you have never met anybody connected to her.
4. After a few months of dating, have you seen your date’s home?
I have a client who used to tell me how romantic her online date was. He would fly into her town, wine and dine her. Take her to hotels all over the city. Well it turns out that this guy who was flying into Canada from the UK, actually lived thirty minutes away from her, with his wife and two kids.
5. Trust your intuition.
It is true that people who have little to worry about in a relationship rarely question their partner’s fidelity. So if you have an off feeling, trust your instinct and investigate more.
So what do you do if you suspect you are the other woman or the other man in a relationship? Go on the offense; schedule a date at a popular time. A birthday, a holiday, one of the peak times I am talking about. And if your date is never free at these times, ask what’s up. You can simply say, am I the only person you are romantically involved with at this time? Listen closely to the answer. Does your date sound defensive? Does he or she offer long winded excuses? You will get a sense.
Here are some sure fire ways to make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend is not an E-cheater:
1. Date during peak hours
2. Meet your partner’s friends or family.
3. See where your boyfriend or girlfriend lives.
4. Most importantly trust your intuition.
Bottom line, don’t be scared to speak up or play investigator if you are not feeling right after a couple of months with your online date. Trust your gut. There is a reason you’re questioning where you stand. Thanks for watching On Dating, I am Andrea Syrtash, see you next time.