singlemates.net
Once you have met what seems to be your ideal person through an online dating website, it may be that it does not work out after all and that you break up for some reason out of your control. Or maybe you were the one forced to do the breaking up due to the fact that you could see things weren’t really going to work out. So how do you cope with the disappointment that you will no doubt feel? Here are some points that may help.
* First of all you must make the break cleanly and properly. Tell them why you are breaking up and be sure to stick to that. If you only half convince them, they could harass you and cause more strife.
* Make sure you do not contact them again. Make the break clean and keep it that way.
* Give yourself a little time to grieve, but don’t become awash in self pity. You’ll lose all your other friends if you do.
* Take up a new hobby or interest. It may be that painting or a new sport will be very therapeutic for you.
* Don’t immediately start looking for a new date. You must wait until you are truly ‘over it’ before doing that.
* Don’t try and get the relationship back onto a ‘just friends’ footing if it has been a romance. This will never work.
* Spend more time with all your own friends. Remember those friends you had before you started dating? Get back in the swing of going out with them. Call them up and suggest an outing.
* Don’t complain to your friends about how bad your date was. Put it all out of your mind and concentrate on the present moment.
* Keep away from the drinks/drugs scene. It will only cause more depression.
* Realize that your self-worth is not dependent on one person.
* Don’t rely on any relationship to ‘make you happy’. You need to be a happy person to start with before you can have a happy relationship.
* Think about what went wrong in your relationship. Were you too clingy? Too bossy? If so, work on toning down these attributes. Your friends may be able to tell you what sort of person you are if you can’t see yourself clearly.
* Learn to make and keep boundaries right from the start of a relationship.
* Don’t feel that no one will ever love you just because of one failed relationship.
Remember most people usually have more than one relationship or romance in their lives. You are not the first to be disappointed in love and you won’t be the last. It’s just a part of life and the quicker you get over it and get on with the rest of your life, the better you will be – and the more likely you will be to find that one true love.
Once you have met a person online whom you feel comfortable with and would like to get to know a little better, it could be time to set up a meeting in person. However, be sure you keep some safety guidelines in place. There is no sense in putting yourself in any more danger than you need to. Of course, you don’t know that you will be in danger, but it’s best to err on the side of safety than otherwise. If your date cannot agree with your safety precautions it might be best not to agree to meet at all.
Never give out personal information like your home phone number or your home address. Once you agree to meet, make sure you choose a public place that is well lit and has plenty of people about. Do not agree to meet in a deserted park or beach. It might even be a good idea to take a friend along with you. Perhaps you could take another couple and go out as a foursome until you feel you can trust your date.
If you don’t take anyone with you, let your friends know where you are going and what time you expect to be back. They will be able to check up that you are all right, or inform the police if you don’t show up. If this sounds a bit over the top, remember that you don’t know any more about your date than he has decided to tell you. And you only have his word that he is telling the truth.
Once you have settled on the place and the time, make sure you do show up on time. Your date is likely to be as nervous as you are and if you are late they might simply walk away. You’ve spent a good deal of effort to get this date, so you don’t want to ruin it before it starts.
Dress appropriately for the occasion and make sure you feel comfortable with what you are wearing. You don’t want to have half your attention on whether you look all right when you should be focusing on your date.
Set boundaries and keep to them. Your date will respect you more if you set certain standards of behavior right from the start. If you both agree to a certain time, then you should both be there at that time, unless an accident prevents it. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect and neither does your date. Kindness and compassion go a long way to keeping a relationship healthy.