singlemates.net
When you join a dating site it is usually to find a romantic date, so how do you go about choosing your online dating identity? First of all, you will have filled in the numerous questions used to find your perfect match. Of course most matches are not truly perfect and you will have to use your own common sense in choosing those that seem to be the best fit with what you desire in a date. If the person loves football and you hate it, there’s not much point getting together unless you know you can live with that.
First you will receive an email from them to show you that they are interested. Of course, your real email address will be hidden, so don’t just hit the ‘reply’ button or you will risk revealing it. You need to log in to the dating website and then go to your prospective date’s profile. Read everything they have written about themselves and see if it is a fit with what you would like in a date.
You might be able to tell what sort of person they are from the wording of their first email to you. If they have written something like, Hey Babe, let’s hit the beaches tomorrow, When you specifically asked to be addressed by the name you’ve chosen for your profile, then you can be reasonably sure that this is not the person you are looking for. It may seem like a little thing at first glance, but if someone can’t respect your wishes in a small thing, will they be likely to respect them in a more important issue?
Other things to watch out for in their emails are things like do they seem to avoid answering your questions, do they seem to anger easily, and are they controlling? Watch for respect. If a person sounds respectful it is a good sign. Some people tend to forget that a real person with real feelings is on the other end of their email.
Once you decide not to use the anonymous email address provided by the dating service, choose a free email account (eg hotmail) and never reveal your full name. The same applies to telephone calls. Use a cell phone or an anonymous telephone service for phone calls until you get to know the person better.
Once you decide to meet in person, take note of whether they look like their photo. If they have told you that their photo is a recent one, but you can see it’s not, then you know they have lied to you. Once again, if they can tell a white lie, then they can tell a whopper, so be careful. Once you put a few safeguards into place, go ahead and have some fun. You’ll enjoy it all the more knowing you are safe.
When you are looking for a mature-age date you can specify the age on your own profile. Use the headline of your online profile as a screen to filter out persons of the wrong age group. For instance you can say something like: – “If you are a mature guy between 40 and 50 who is interested in (specific hobby or interest), then email me.” This will give a filter of interest as well as age. You can add other filters to the rest of your message if you want to. You might prefer someone who is geographically close to you for convenience, so you can add, “Who lives within a radius of 20-30 kilometers/miles to…” as well.
Of course, you might prefer to join an online dating service that is especially for mature age or seniors. These are people who, though older are still able and willing to meet others and have a great time dating them. They may even be more experienced at having a long-term relationship. The online dating site SeniorFriendFinder.com is one dating service especially for older people. SilverSingles.com is another one.
In fact, no matter what dating service you subscribe to, it’s a good idea to state the age of the person you want to meet. Otherwise you might end up with your email inbox flooded with mail from people three times your age if you are youngish. You needn’t be too specific, but give the age as between 40 and 50, or whatever the age group is that you desire to meet. It is then polite to also give an idea of your own age. Again, you needn’t be specific, but just give a general idea as above.
Older people can be the most fun to date, as they may not have any commitments such as children to raise or debts to pay off. They may be retirees who have lots more time than a workingman. They could have a nice house that they own. They could be widows or widowers, though it’s more likely in these days they have split up with their spouse. Just be aware of the statistics that 30% of males using online dating services are actually still married. This is not just in the older age group, but over-all.
After such warnings, you may be feeling hesitant about online dating at all, but just remember it can be a fun way to meet new friends and so long as you remember to keep safety measures in place and not allow any nonsense, then you’ll be just as safe as if you went anywhere else to meet people.
When you have made the big step of joining an online dating service, you will be looking for prospective dates to make contact with you. They will be able to send you an invitation to contact them, but be sure to do this only if you feel they are truly what you are looking for in a date. You will be able to read their profile online and see what sort of a person they are and if their interests are compatible with your own.
If you become convinced that this person is not what you are after in a date, then you will be able to decline the invitation. Look carefully at your screen and you’ll see an icon that will give you the option to block the person from contacting you. Use this option if you wish to have no contact whatsoever. However, many websites prefer you to send the person a polite email to decline the invitation and give your reason why. They feel that this will enhance the friendly feel that they want the site to have and make everyone’s experience of it a happy one.
If they seem a nice person, but you just don’t want them to contact you – you might have others in view – be firm, but polite and let them know that it is nothing personal. You don’t want them to feel depressed about themselves for weeks because you rejected them. Let them know it has nothing to do with their looks or any thing else, but is just a personal decision on your part. Assure them that they will be sure to meet many other people who will be eager to date them. Being kind like this will make you feel good about yourself and help the recipient of your email to feel the same. Good manners and kindness don’t cost anything.
You will also be able to block any initial contact such as anyone sending you what is called a Virtual Kiss or some other kind of flirtation. Go to your profile details and uncheck the box next to that the icon to disable it if you wish to. Doing this right at the start of your online experience may save you from having to explain why you don’t want to make contact with them. Remember, if you stay in control of your online dating experience you will be happier and safer. It is important to trust your instincts and use common sense with online dating, just as you would with offline dating.
If you have found a date that seems to be just what you are looking for, but the only trouble is they live in another state or even another country, should you go ahead and contact them? In the old days when people had penfriends, they were usually a long way off, but then, these pen-friendships didn’t normally become romances. For one thing, letters took so long to arrive at their destination that the romance, if there was one, usually fizzled out. But these days communication is so much faster. You can share photos and email quickly and easily long-distance and receive them in a few minutes. It makes you feel like your date is just at the other end of the street.
But what if they are a really long way off? They could be at the other end of the state of country, or even overseas. There are several bad points to consider. Firstly, the cost of phone calls if you want to phone each other frequently. Of course there are cheaper rates at certain times and you will certainly take advantage of these, but it will still mount up. Then there may be the time difference. One of you may have to stay awake until 2am to get that important phone call.
Then there is the cost of traveling to meet the other person. You might decide to meet halfway, but then you would be without any family or friend support should things go wrong. Even if things worked out beautifully, there would still be financial considerations. Imagine arranging a wedding long-distance for instance.
A person who lives a long way away may also have a different background culturally to you. You must ask yourself if you could make the necessary adjustments, should the romance become serious. And if you were to go and live with that person, then you could be far from support of family and friends in sickness or for the raising of children. Many people do manage these considerations admirably, but could you?
Another consideration could be why is this person interested in a date from so far away? Could it be that he has a wife (or husband) and family already and doesn’t want them to find out that he wants a date with another person. If the person is a female from another country, might they just be trying to use you as an escape from poverty? These things may not be so, but you still have to consider them. However, if you’ve thought all things through and still want to go ahead with your long distance romance, then do so. It could be very romantic!
If you are thinking of joining an online dating service, you might be worried about the safety of your personal information. After all, you usually cannot join unless you first give this information to the dating service. They need it to ensure that you a bonafide person who really wants to use the service in a proper manner, i.e. to meet people in friendship
Most online dating services have a great deal of protection in place for your own personal safety. They do not give out your real email address to anyone and neither should you. Even though you must give your real email address to the dating service, most use technology in the form of a double-blind email system to keep your email address anonymous. When you join up, you will be given an email address that you should use for the purpose of contacting others in the dating service. You should never reveal your private email address to anyone.
Your online dating service will never send you an email asking for your account password or secure names or numbers. The only time this is likely to happen is if you have instigated a query to the help line. Another thing you should never do is give out your credit card number to anyone who sends you an email asking for it. Or if the email has a form to write it into, do not do this. Some fraudulent people may pretend to be the website dating service and send an email in order to get your credit card number. Always check on the blue line at the top of the screen. It should have the name of the dating service and their website host on it. Many will tell you what this is when you join up.
If you use a public computer to access your online dating service, always be sure to sign out before leaving, otherwise the next person to use it will have access to your personal information. Never give anyone your real address either. Some people who use dating websites may not be fully trustworthy, so if you remember to never divulge your personal details, you will be protected from these frauds.
When you join an online dating service, you should always read the terms and conditions very carefully. There you will find other details that will put you wise to any frauds or scams that you may come across. Remember, this knowledge will keep you safe only if you act upon it.
When you join an online dating service, you will have the opportunity to upload a photograph of yourself for your profile. Some allow more than one photo, which is excellent. So while you are scanning through all those great photos, here are a few pointers.
* Use recent photos. If you choose photos that are old, you are being less than truthful. Besides, old hairstyles and clothing will be likely to give your game away. (And they are sometimes less than attractive!)
* They say the camera does not lie, but some photos just don’t look good due to poor lighting or other problems. Use a photo that is as clear as possible.
* Choose several likely photos before you even go online. Don’t just grab any old snap at the last minute.
* Choose a snap that shows you at ease doing something you like. If you a surf babe, one of you on the beach would be appropriate. If you love the snow, try and get one where you are skiing or snowboarding.
* Your photo should communicate something about your personality and lifestyle. It can be something that a prospective date could look at and think that they would like to be part of. Make sure you are looking happy.
* If you choose a photo of yourself dressed up for some formal occasion, also include a ‘normal’ one, so that you are not giving a false impression of yourself.
* The first photo should be a portrait, e,g, one of your head and shoulders. Others can be more informal and more about your lifestyle, personality and ideas of fun.
* It goes without saying that your photo should not be anything indecent. Otherwise you risk being banned from the site.
* Your photo should not be a collage or composite of many.
Most online dating websites have an upload option especially for photographs. You will find their requirements onsite. Many prefer the photo to be a jpg of a certain size. Some may allow a photo to be scanned and sent as an attachment via email. This will take a bit longer to go live, due to the editors being so busy. An even longer option may allow you to send photos by snail mail. Expect this to take 48 hours or more from the time of receipt.
Don’t forget to include all your details with your photos if you do have to send them. You will need to send your membership number and username as well as your email address.