singlemates.net
The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat. A man’s reason for cheating can encompass a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship. While none are justifiable all of these can be reasons why a man chooses to stray and cheat on his current partner.
Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a week defense for a man who is caught in his unfaithful actions. A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation. It may be true that in prehistoric times, men were tasked with populating the earth this is certainly not true today and is not a defensible excuse for cheating on your partner. The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges to produce offspring. The theory of man being predisposed to cheating does not hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to quell these urges.
Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else. Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners. They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship. Men also cheat because they are driven by competition. If there friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends. To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends. Infidelity in men is often driven by a sense of competition.
Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them. The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men. They take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship. To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest. Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable, is enough to stroke the ego of these men. In general it is a lack of self esteem on their part that drives them to seek out affairs in order to reiterate their attractiveness and desirability.
A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on their partner. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom. If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere. While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and engage in affairs. This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all.
Men cheat for a variety of reasons. While none of these reasons may be justified, they do exist. The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self esteem and boredom. In general while genetics may play a small part in the urge for men to cheat the majority of cheating takes place because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship.
Andrea Syrtash: Modern technology is connecting people like never before, including people looking to cheat, perhaps with you. But how do you spot a cheater if you met online? I will offer a few clues. I am Andrea Syrtash, and this is On Dating.
Is it easier to cheat on someone online?
Man on Street: I don’t think it is easier to cheat on somebody online, I don’t think so.
Woman on Street: It’s much easier to cheat on someone online, much easier.
Woman on Street: If they can find someone to date online, then they can date someone else.
Woman on Street: It is easy to lie I would say or to deceive online.
Man on Street: It’s pretty easy to hide something.
Man on Street: I would imagine cheating on someone online would be easier than it would be in relationships, your own personal relationships.
Woman on Street: I think if you’re going to cheat on someone, you will cheat on them no matter what the situation.
Andrea Syrtash: Have you ever heard of the website Ashlemadison.com? There tagline is where monogamy becomes monotony. This place is for people looking for an affair. The site boasts 1.2 million member signups, just over a million people online looking to cheat. As dubious as it sounds, in a way it is a more straight forward than the majority of people who meet and cheat online. Most of these people cheat under the radar, and most online daters are in an awkward position of playing a guessing game.
One third of online daters are in a relationship when they join an online dating site. Believe it or not, some men and women in relationships do not think that flirtatious email exchange, with someone new, who they have just met online, is on the verge of cheating. Yeah they are wrong. Picking up online is the same as going to a local bar and picking up. No excuses.
So why is this so common? Well it is easy to be anonymous with people we meet on the internet. The chances of getting caught by your spouse or partner may be slim. I always tell people to have a healthy dose of skepticism in dating. And online dating is no exception. So how do you spot an E-cheater?
Well the short answer is you can’t. Then why am I doing this segment? Well I can offer a few clues to help you figure it out.
1. Notice your date’s schedule.
This is the first step in spotting an E-cheater. Notice are you communicating at very odd hours early in the morning, very early at night. Do you ever speak during peak times? Like between seven and ten on a weeknight.
What about the weekends?
2. Do you speak on the phone and see each other, or leave everything to emails and text?
While it’s true that some people hate the phone, make sure to have at least a few phone conversations. And see each other at these peak times. You should never date someone who you only communicated with through typed words. That is no basis for a relationship.
3. After a few months of dating, have you met your dates friends, family or co-workers?
Have you seen your date in her world? Of course you are not going to meet her network right away. But after a number of months of dating it is a valid concern if you have never met anybody connected to her.
4. After a few months of dating, have you seen your date’s home?
I have a client who used to tell me how romantic her online date was. He would fly into her town, wine and dine her. Take her to hotels all over the city. Well it turns out that this guy who was flying into Canada from the UK, actually lived thirty minutes away from her, with his wife and two kids.
5. Trust your intuition.
It is true that people who have little to worry about in a relationship rarely question their partner’s fidelity. So if you have an off feeling, trust your instinct and investigate more.
So what do you do if you suspect you are the other woman or the other man in a relationship? Go on the offense; schedule a date at a popular time. A birthday, a holiday, one of the peak times I am talking about. And if your date is never free at these times, ask what’s up. You can simply say, am I the only person you are romantically involved with at this time? Listen closely to the answer. Does your date sound defensive? Does he or she offer long winded excuses? You will get a sense.
Here are some sure fire ways to make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend is not an E-cheater:
1. Date during peak hours
2. Meet your partner’s friends or family.
3. See where your boyfriend or girlfriend lives.
4. Most importantly trust your intuition.
Bottom line, don’t be scared to speak up or play investigator if you are not feeling right after a couple of months with your online date. Trust your gut. There is a reason you’re questioning where you stand. Thanks for watching On Dating, I am Andrea Syrtash, see you next time.